Sweet Tangerine.

I feel an urge to blog today. Weird, queer events have happened of late. First, Jae starts being nice again, next an out-of-the-blue sms from Nazry, then Ive got a pathetic Kai begging at my feet. Isnt it funny how people have no sense of shame, no dignity, no sense of righteousness whatsoever? Why is it that some can be so conscious of feelings and some not? As I ponder about how this events have pass me by, how it has mould me, maybe Im thankful for some parts of it. It instilled in me a sense of strength and control over myself, my life. I am glad I rejected money for the sake of my dignity and principles. Maturity to see the larger picture, the morally correct path. Stupidity has outgrown of me and left. I will not be pushed around, I will not be nice, or want to appear nice. Attempting to put such people on a guilt trip to allow them to learn their own lessons would be futile. It would only make me appear weak. Although appearing strong in not letting myself get hurt is only a euphemism for being too weak to trust, Id rather feel that way. People may say this girl is so strong, shes so cold she's iced herself from feeling, from getting hurt. In fact, she's afraid to fall, to trust, because shes too weak to allow herself more trauma. Whatever floats your boat, my friends. Im happy this way. I know it may not be the happiest I could be, at least Im not upset. For now, Id like to sit back, and watch the world go by, witnessing the agonies of life and smile because Im not a part of that reality. Id watch everyone as though they were in a movie, and feel consoled, nodding knowingly to myself that Ive made a right choice to be the onlooker and not the protagonist in this gruesome play titled "Life". Intelligence, I call that. (: